Love, Relationships, Limerence & Affair Recovery

The Seven Issues That Make Or Break A Relationship

April 07, 2021 David
Love, Relationships, Limerence & Affair Recovery
The Seven Issues That Make Or Break A Relationship
Chapters
Love, Relationships, Limerence & Affair Recovery
The Seven Issues That Make Or Break A Relationship
Apr 07, 2021
David

“What’s the key to a good relationship?” is one the of questions we are often asked at LoveRelations. “Finding your partner attractive? No money worries? Shared interests?” While these are all important, there are seven issues or Relationship Flash Points which trip up even the most harmonious of couples.

“It’s not having to agree on these points, which is the key”, says Dr David Perl of LoveRelations. “The key is discussing them with your partner. Only in discussion and honest communication can we work out where compromise can be made, or acceptance needs to happen.”

At LoveRelations, we encourage every couple, whether getting married, moving in together, or wanting to take their relationship to a deeper level, to spend some time thinking about the areas which cause disagreement or conflict with almost every couple. We call them Relationship Flash Points and to ignore is to store up trouble and resentment for the future.

Flash Point 1 – SEX

It can be difficult to talk frankly about sex – that’s why we at LoveRelations encourage all couples to talk about what’s “enough” sex for each partner? What about mis-matched libidos? What if one partner wants to be more experimental? Loss of desire – how will this be handled? “
“It’s very common for one partner to want more sex than the other,” says David. “But if this is never talked about, and a way of accommodating this worked out, then enormous resentments grow.”
What does monogamy or fidelity mean to you and your partner? What are the boundaries? What’s OK and what’s not?
“The more honest couples can be – whether it’s something they find unacceptable or something to try – the better, deeper and more trusting the sexual connection between two people becomes.”

Flash Point 2 – MONEY

Do you spend or save? Does your partner have the same attitude? Who is the higher earner? Do they pay the lion’s share? Would you support your partner if he or she wasn’t working?
“Many relationships evolve with no frank discussion about money,” says David. “The day to day things – household bills, groceries, tend to fall on the shoulders of one partner, with no real discussion.”
It is also attitudes towards money which a couple may wrongly assume their partner shares. “If one partner believes in saving a chunk of income, while the other enjoys spending what there is, huge difficulties can begin.
“Many couples can begin the discussions themselves,” says David, “but LoveRelations is a safe space where partners can speak honestly about their beliefs and wants.

Flash Point 3 – CHILDREN

Are you secretly hoping he or she will “come round to the idea”? How many children do you want? Who will be the main carer and how do you view each other’s career development? What does being a “good parent” mean?
“Hundreds of questions arise when a couple begins to talk about children,” says David. “Even if you both want a child, don’t assume that parenting means the same to both parties.”
The fuller the conversation the better, it seems. Couples should be really frank, try and acknowledge to their partner what sort of parent they want to be, what they want to do differently from their own parents. What support will the main caregiver expect from their partner in the early months of parenthood? What about the bread-winner?
“I urge all couples who come to LoveRelations, talking about parenthood, to think about the enormous changes their relationship will undergo. How will each of your make time for your partner and the relationship?”

Flash Point 4 – FAMILY

It’s not just the family we create, but the family we inherit, when we get into relationship. Often, one party has a very different way of managing relationships with their own family, to their partner.
“I urge every couple to look at their family’s style of relating, and that of their partner,” says David. “If one party has a ‘everyone round all t

Show Notes

“What’s the key to a good relationship?” is one the of questions we are often asked at LoveRelations. “Finding your partner attractive? No money worries? Shared interests?” While these are all important, there are seven issues or Relationship Flash Points which trip up even the most harmonious of couples.

“It’s not having to agree on these points, which is the key”, says Dr David Perl of LoveRelations. “The key is discussing them with your partner. Only in discussion and honest communication can we work out where compromise can be made, or acceptance needs to happen.”

At LoveRelations, we encourage every couple, whether getting married, moving in together, or wanting to take their relationship to a deeper level, to spend some time thinking about the areas which cause disagreement or conflict with almost every couple. We call them Relationship Flash Points and to ignore is to store up trouble and resentment for the future.

Flash Point 1 – SEX

It can be difficult to talk frankly about sex – that’s why we at LoveRelations encourage all couples to talk about what’s “enough” sex for each partner? What about mis-matched libidos? What if one partner wants to be more experimental? Loss of desire – how will this be handled? “
“It’s very common for one partner to want more sex than the other,” says David. “But if this is never talked about, and a way of accommodating this worked out, then enormous resentments grow.”
What does monogamy or fidelity mean to you and your partner? What are the boundaries? What’s OK and what’s not?
“The more honest couples can be – whether it’s something they find unacceptable or something to try – the better, deeper and more trusting the sexual connection between two people becomes.”

Flash Point 2 – MONEY

Do you spend or save? Does your partner have the same attitude? Who is the higher earner? Do they pay the lion’s share? Would you support your partner if he or she wasn’t working?
“Many relationships evolve with no frank discussion about money,” says David. “The day to day things – household bills, groceries, tend to fall on the shoulders of one partner, with no real discussion.”
It is also attitudes towards money which a couple may wrongly assume their partner shares. “If one partner believes in saving a chunk of income, while the other enjoys spending what there is, huge difficulties can begin.
“Many couples can begin the discussions themselves,” says David, “but LoveRelations is a safe space where partners can speak honestly about their beliefs and wants.

Flash Point 3 – CHILDREN

Are you secretly hoping he or she will “come round to the idea”? How many children do you want? Who will be the main carer and how do you view each other’s career development? What does being a “good parent” mean?
“Hundreds of questions arise when a couple begins to talk about children,” says David. “Even if you both want a child, don’t assume that parenting means the same to both parties.”
The fuller the conversation the better, it seems. Couples should be really frank, try and acknowledge to their partner what sort of parent they want to be, what they want to do differently from their own parents. What support will the main caregiver expect from their partner in the early months of parenthood? What about the bread-winner?
“I urge all couples who come to LoveRelations, talking about parenthood, to think about the enormous changes their relationship will undergo. How will each of your make time for your partner and the relationship?”

Flash Point 4 – FAMILY

It’s not just the family we create, but the family we inherit, when we get into relationship. Often, one party has a very different way of managing relationships with their own family, to their partner.
“I urge every couple to look at their family’s style of relating, and that of their partner,” says David. “If one party has a ‘everyone round all t