Love, Relationships, Limerence & Affair Recovery

One wish

April 07, 2021 David
Love, Relationships, Limerence & Affair Recovery
One wish
Chapters
Love, Relationships, Limerence & Affair Recovery
One wish
Apr 07, 2021
David

I have often thought over the years that if I had just one wish what would that be? What would I change, do different or ask for?

Many times I’ve daydreamed about one thing or another and thought my life would be better, more complete, happier, healthier, thinner and I could go on and on. What I never thought about was, if that wish was granted how would it change the outcome and course of my life as I know it today?

You see, if I was able to make adjustments to my past, no matter how small, that change will inevitably disrupts the trajectory and path I am on and if a change is made in the past then the present as I know it no longer exists. It will be new, different.

This then started me thinking about why I wanted one wish in the first place, what was so wrong with my life? Did I feel out of control? Unloved? Dissatisfied with my choice of work or partner? Or maybe I was young, inexperienced and unsure of the world? Now I believe that feeling came from a felt sense of being out of alinement with life in general.
But what caused this I wondered?

Daydreaming about life is a normal and healthy pastime, thinking about having this or that or doing something different is nice and wishful thinking. However when it starts to affect your emotional state which then spills out on to those around you, it becomes something more serious.

Taking ourselves off into another dimension removes us from the present, it’s a distraction and sometimes a very needed one in times of extreme pain and trauma. Humans a have the amazing ability to take their mind off to other places even though the physical body is still. A healthy way to do this is through deep meditation and relaxation. The unhealthy way is by turning to substance or drug misuse, addictive and compulsive behaviours as a means and way to distract oneself from the present.

Again this had me thinking that if what I was feeling was from a sense of being out of alinement with life in general was this then another term for an existential crisis? Irvin Yallom writes about this subject so well in his book Existentialism, where he refers to four aspects, abandonment, loneliness, isolation and death as being the main causes of this crisis and for me that struck a cord. When I think about Society as we know it today, life can be difficult, times have changed. We no longer have the communities or family support that our parents had. Talking to each other has been replaced by email, text, Twitter and so on. Communicating with humans has in many ways been taken over by the fast pace of technology. The speed of this running ahead of our human ability psychologically to keep up.

Humans are relational beings and need each other to exist and thrive, isolation and loneliness are unfortunately all to common an issue with many people today. The break down of family units and systems fuel the feelings of abandonment and the lack of discussion on our mortality and death further play into human existential crisis. Maybe this was what I was going through and certainly reading up on the topic written by Yallom made a lot of sense to me.

When the human being feels trapped, cornered and powerless the psyche looks for a distraction to sooth itself. I now know this was what was happening to me, overcoming these feelings also brought me to a realisation. If focusing on what can be better or different places the mind into a state of false bliss what happens to our reality?

When our psyche or mind is left unchecked there is a real risk that it may go into overdrive where the fantasy starts to takeover the reality, again in times of severe trauma this is an essential coping mechanism.

When a fantasy takes us away from the present this has consequences on those around us. If an average everyday person going about their business was given one wish this would change something without them realising the domino effect that has on their life. Removing ourselv

Show Notes

I have often thought over the years that if I had just one wish what would that be? What would I change, do different or ask for?

Many times I’ve daydreamed about one thing or another and thought my life would be better, more complete, happier, healthier, thinner and I could go on and on. What I never thought about was, if that wish was granted how would it change the outcome and course of my life as I know it today?

You see, if I was able to make adjustments to my past, no matter how small, that change will inevitably disrupts the trajectory and path I am on and if a change is made in the past then the present as I know it no longer exists. It will be new, different.

This then started me thinking about why I wanted one wish in the first place, what was so wrong with my life? Did I feel out of control? Unloved? Dissatisfied with my choice of work or partner? Or maybe I was young, inexperienced and unsure of the world? Now I believe that feeling came from a felt sense of being out of alinement with life in general.
But what caused this I wondered?

Daydreaming about life is a normal and healthy pastime, thinking about having this or that or doing something different is nice and wishful thinking. However when it starts to affect your emotional state which then spills out on to those around you, it becomes something more serious.

Taking ourselves off into another dimension removes us from the present, it’s a distraction and sometimes a very needed one in times of extreme pain and trauma. Humans a have the amazing ability to take their mind off to other places even though the physical body is still. A healthy way to do this is through deep meditation and relaxation. The unhealthy way is by turning to substance or drug misuse, addictive and compulsive behaviours as a means and way to distract oneself from the present.

Again this had me thinking that if what I was feeling was from a sense of being out of alinement with life in general was this then another term for an existential crisis? Irvin Yallom writes about this subject so well in his book Existentialism, where he refers to four aspects, abandonment, loneliness, isolation and death as being the main causes of this crisis and for me that struck a cord. When I think about Society as we know it today, life can be difficult, times have changed. We no longer have the communities or family support that our parents had. Talking to each other has been replaced by email, text, Twitter and so on. Communicating with humans has in many ways been taken over by the fast pace of technology. The speed of this running ahead of our human ability psychologically to keep up.

Humans are relational beings and need each other to exist and thrive, isolation and loneliness are unfortunately all to common an issue with many people today. The break down of family units and systems fuel the feelings of abandonment and the lack of discussion on our mortality and death further play into human existential crisis. Maybe this was what I was going through and certainly reading up on the topic written by Yallom made a lot of sense to me.

When the human being feels trapped, cornered and powerless the psyche looks for a distraction to sooth itself. I now know this was what was happening to me, overcoming these feelings also brought me to a realisation. If focusing on what can be better or different places the mind into a state of false bliss what happens to our reality?

When our psyche or mind is left unchecked there is a real risk that it may go into overdrive where the fantasy starts to takeover the reality, again in times of severe trauma this is an essential coping mechanism.

When a fantasy takes us away from the present this has consequences on those around us. If an average everyday person going about their business was given one wish this would change something without them realising the domino effect that has on their life. Removing ourselv